soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
