In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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