sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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