I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
