I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
