We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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