I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
