my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
