when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize