Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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