I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
