Well apparently he's into motor boating.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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