A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
