Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
