Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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