i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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