I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
