Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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