I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
