Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
