I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
