I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize