my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize