He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
