I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
