Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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