I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
