He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
