I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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