Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
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