he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
