I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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