God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
