I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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