Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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