Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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