I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
