I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
