he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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