i already hear my dad disowning me
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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