Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
