this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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