We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
