I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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