I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
