so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Randomize
