Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
