its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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