I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
