Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
