Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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