so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
