he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
