I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
