So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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