Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
