Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
