Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
