It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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