so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
