Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
