Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
