wat bout pragnant strippers??
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
