sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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