Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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