she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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