I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
