her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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