foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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