Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
