just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
