I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize